Leap of Faith

 

Have you ever wanted to do something so badly but instead you put it off?  Well...hello and welcome to my world! Just call me the queen of procrastination. My boyfriend can attest! I still hear him say "what ever happened to that blog you were going to start?" Typing, designing and editing is exactly what I have time to do all day. Because that's what teachers and moms do, right? (Note: I'm very good at lame jokes.) But in all honesty, the only thing stopping me has been fear. 

I can sit here and tell you of all the things I need to do, grading, lesson plans, kids games, practice plans, workout, essential oil posts, instagram stories, doctors appointments, the list can go on and on and so can the excuses. But in all honesty, the culprit to all of the procrastination... is FEAR! It was fear, making me use the excuses of, oh I will get to it later, after I finish grading these papers and lesson plans, I will start the blog. When I have some time I will get started. I kept putting it off.  I've read all about it. Rachel Hollis, yep that's my girl, I cried and laughed and nodded and said yep that's me at every word in her books! But you know what... I am going for it now! This cold December, Tuesday evening, I got my laptop out and just went for it! What's changed? What made me decide to go for it now? I will tell you. 

Here's a little backstory. I've been wanting to start my blog for a very long time, like years, like land before time, long. I would start working on it and then I would talk myself out of it, make up excuses, and just put it off. In the beginning I wanted to be fashion blogger, but have you seen what they do? God love'em. I really couldn't afford to look that great 5 times a week. Quite frankly, it would have been a stretch to look that good 5 times a month! But back then, I did have high hopes. I had a plan to make it happen and so many aspirations. Anyway, have you ever heard of that saying "making plans and God's laughing" I say this all the time. That's what happened, but I was in the way of myself. I made up excuses and reasons not to get started on my blog. I was too busy to sit down and type this up is what I kept telling myself. But, just like anyone scared of a new venture, doubt set in and so did procrastination. I thought to myself, oh sure, just what the world needs, another mom blogger. But the more I started to doubt myself, inexplicable things started happening. I kept getting subtle hints (that can only be attributed to God) that I needed to start writing and just to go for it! Maybe those subtle hints are what gave me the confidence to go for it and to let go of all this fear! I don't really know. 

Even though I decided not to do fashion blogging, thank goodness what was I thinking?! :) Those other little hints shifted me to something else. I got into essential oils, I learned about them in my blogging hoarding process. Yep, does anyone else do that? I quickly, became a blog hoarder, much like I used to hoard my old fashion and home decor magazines. These new blogs gave me lots of great ideas and honestly got us out of a pickle a time or two when the kids had swimmers ear or some kind of tummy ache. I would search for essential oil remedies and turn to a lot of my trusty blogging friends that I had saved. I mean were considered friends right, I read their stories every week and its like we know each other so well. 

So, then I realized instead of hoarding all of the information I had come across, I wanted to share what worked for me and my family, because were all in this journey of life together, right? I then had a new bright idea,  I would share what all had worked and all the things I had tried from all the information I was hoarding, it would be great! Then life happened. I started working as a teacher. And, I put it off, again!

But it just kept tugging me. Something kept telling me just do it, already. So I started the process again. I created a webpage and got my domain and I started designing and editing. I worked countless hours on it, then it was time to start my first post and I stopped right there. Like stopped to a screeching halt! I thought, "Why me, God?"  I don't have much to say. I have opinions like everyone else, but I've told my story before. That was good enough wasn't it? You don't need me to write anything else, do you? 

You will be happy to know he answered me. It was like divine intervention. I opened up my devotional one morning as I always do and read it and said a quick prayer before I started my day and this prayer just screamed at me. It was like an epiphany. Like a light bulb just came on! The answer to my fear and worry was this: your story isn't done yet; I'm not done with you yet. The verse I read that morning was in my Women's Devotional, James 1:6. "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea blown and tossed by the wind." Ok, I read that and it didn't really get me but the prayer below it, oh my, I kept thinking about this prayer all day, I kept pondering on the words, it was like on repeat in my mind. This is what the prayer said: "Lord, rescue me from my sea of doubt and fear. I have lived with uncertainty and suspicion for too long. I don't want to be like an ocean wave that is blown and tossed by the wind. I ask that you would quiet my stormy emotions and help me believe that You will take care of me. When I am tempted to be cynical, help me choose to step away from fear and closer to faith." Omg, y'all this just hit me. I have been feeling like I have been tossed around like the waves in the ocean. And let me tell you, I haven't always been very religious. I was raised Catholic but I strayed away from the church for a few years. I always believed in God and Jesus just didn't practice it or go to church regularly. Up until about 5 years ago, after my divorce, I attended a Woman's ACTS Retreat, thanks to a great friend. Since then I have learned to lean on him for all the things and never to lose faith and most of all to trust in his plan. So after I read that prayer I thought about it all. day. long. I decided to type up my first post. I got home from work, got on my laptop at home and went to town...lol. I just started typing and started this exact post. 

Sure, it would be much easier to keep all of my thoughts in my head and live nice and neatly in my little box. But that's the thing, that's not what life is about. I love this quote that Dave Hollis always says..."a ship in harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are built for." - not sure who the author is of the quote.  We are meant for so much more! And Christ wants us to do so much more! He wants us to do the things that we think are impossible, because quite frankly he wants us to depend on him. He wants to show us what He can do for us when we have even a little bit of faith. Faith even the size of a mustard seed. 

Reading that prayer that morning, I had an epiphany - It was time to let go of my fear and step out into faith and to let the real author of my life take the lead. 

"Now faith is not being sure of what we hope of and certain of what we do not see" (Hebrews 11:1) 

After that prayer, I said Okay, I hear you. I truly enjoy helping people. I used to own a small women's clothing store and when I was able to help someone find that outfit that made them feel great, like they could conquer the world I knew my mission was accomplished. It filled my heart with so much joy. Now, that I am a teacher to high school students and knowing that I can help them in even the simplest ways, brings me so much joy. That sentiment of helping others is most definitely fulfilled. Life definitely has changed to a new kind of wonderful. Because of that message in that prayer in that grace-filled day, Our Humble Beginning was born. I came to realize that this blog isn't just for me it's for all of us. If I can add just a glimmer of hope, a humble opinion, a smile to someone's face, or get an "Amen Sister", then this tiny piece of internet has served its purpose. 

So now I ask you, what are you scared of? God's not done with you yet. 

Take that leap of faith and use that tiny mustard seed of faith you have in you and just...Go for it! 

xoxo,

K